done and done

it's always nice to get a straight forward answer. to get so fed up and reach the point that you just have to say what's on your mind without holding back in order to get the answer you need to hear. it may not always be the answer you want, or have hoped for, but nonetheless it's the truth, and that means more than any fluffy beat around the bush bullshit that typically comes out of people's mouth's

it's amazing what the imagination is capable of. the excuses that are formed, the exceptions, the pictures painted in one's mind. We create scenes in our own heads, taking what happens in our daily life and dissecting it, carefully tracing out each action, reaction, even the dialogue. a story is created in our minds, and sometimes it couldn't be farther from the truth.

i think it's human nature to expect the best from people. to believe that someone can be better than they envision, better than what other's see; it is what we were wired to do. nobody enjoys being disappointed, feeling pain, experiencing a broken heart. therefore, we constantly search for the best in people, we make excuses for them, we love them despite the mistakes, and we forgive. we want to love. we want to care. we want what we envision to be the truth.

however, it is easier to believe the worst. you don't want it to be true, you'd do anything to make it a happy ending, but at the same time it's simple to grasp. it's the worst of the worst, and it can only get better. you can build your truth, make yourself happy, make sure you are creating the reality you want and believe; because no matter what you will have that.

day 4

thanks to the massive amounts of coffee i've had to drink today, i think i peed about 20 times. the people i work with are going to start thinking i have a bladder problem, therefore at the moment i'm telling myself to calm down and ignore the fact that my bladder is screaming for help.

my foot keeps tapping, and i'm swerving from side to side in my rolly chair. it's great, i look like a 4 year old doing a pee dance.... in a pencil skirt and heels.

i now truly understand why 30-somethings with 9-5pm jobs are hooked on coffee. i woke up at 730, had a 2 hour meeting at 830 and i have coffee to thank for the reason why my head is not currently on my desk with a pool of drool slowly forming around my face.

today i also decided that wearing heels was a grand idea. i got dressed when i was half asleep in my barely lit room so of course when i got into work with the glaring fluorescent lights, i happened to look down at my shoes and see that there's still remnants from nights in tallahasee. yep that means dried beer, dirty water from puddles i've strolled through, and anything else that may have decided to set up residence on my shoes from a bar.

maybe tomorrow ill clean my shoes before work, drink some water instead of a gallon of coffee and go to sleep at 9pm tonight.

2 1/2 more hours...

day 2

day two of internship complete and the fact that i stared at twitter for about 3 hours today makes me want to blow my face off. initially i thought it would be fun to research different companies and such, but at the end of the day i think i have realized i really don't like twitter. the words "retweet", "twitter", "tweet", "bit.ly" (yes i know that's not even a real word....but in twitter world it is), and all the symbols that are put in front of pointless words like #monkey brains or @sarahpalin are not my friends right now.

and really? nobody cares that you are excited to see sex and the city 2- mary, or that you just tried a new foot cream- thomas, or that you saved a spider from the pool- random person i dont know.

however, you have to appreciate constant updates from walt disney world, or ny times, even glee. that is something i thank twitter for.

i'm hoping by the end of day three my neck wont hurt from staring down at all the pointless 140 character updates and my brain wont want to collapse on itself, and when someone talks to me ill be able to happily answer without wanting to close my eyes and crawl into a ball. fingers crossed.

decorating time

yep time to start decorating my new room via the internet

love me if you dare movie poster

bedding

lamp

rug

happy saturday

Ferris Bueller and homemade chocolate chip cookies make for a pretty grand day

all shook up

I don't think today could have been any better so far.

Or even this week. Things just seem to be going smoothly, falling into place, and turning out in ways I never expected.

This week I somehow managed to get an internship with Delray Beach's Camber of Commerce and their event planning group. I couldn't be more excited to wake up everyday at 9a.m.... seriously. I think I'm still in shock. I've been telling myself I need to get experience in event planning if I'm ever going to have a fighting chance at doing something I love, and boom, here it is.

I finally feel like I'm headed in the right direction and not just completely wasting my time. It makes me so happy to be able to talk about something I love and that I'm proud of, and see my mom's face light up like I know mine is.

Now of course you need a fancy haircut to go with the fancy internship...

just kidding, I just really needed a trim since my dying hair was crying for help. David happily took care of my hair and made it pretty and shiny. There really isn't anything much better than having someone else wash and play with your hair. Plus it smells like a fancy salon which I always love.

Then there's the fact that my grandma is AMAZING and bought me a new Mac for my bday since I suck and passed out on top of my first one 2 1/2 years ago when I was hopped up on medication from wisdom teeth being ripped out of my head. Goodbye cracked screen, hello new and beautiful (most importantly portable!) laptop.

After that exciting adventure we went and got lobster rolls. Which are my new favorite thing. Now I'm stuffed since I decided eating the entire lobster roll along with key lime pie was a fantastic idea.

But I'm smiling because it's just one of those days where things go the way you hoped they would, and there's still something to look forward to. Butterflies still flutter in your stomach and that happy/nervous/excited feeling bubbles up.

summer mission

cupcakes galore

yep. baking every single one of those by the end of summer. help me eat them.

kbye!

one downfall of summer....summer jobs.

and so it begins. the one thing i did not miss about being home.... applying for lame summer jobs.

they're all the same: name, have you ever been a criminal, what other boring jobs have you had, who likes you enough to get a phone call from a stranger potentially asking if you are a good person, where did you go to school, and sign here after all the tiny print that you won't read.

call me crazy but i'm pretty sure i can't be accurately summed up by filling in the blanks to those questions. the only word i can come up with to describe it is: stupid. really really stupid. if i were a manager i would look at my application and say, cool... i dont care. why is applying for a job so fucking frustrating. you sit through high school trying to build a kickass resume for college and then you sit through college so you can....? write down on some generic application your past employers and minimum wage job you had. if that isn't the definition of success, i don't know what is.

it's pretty silly. does anyone really enjoy working minimum wage jobs, folding stacks of clothes that are exactly the same, running someone's meal to their table, seating some miserable demanding couple, making a soy double shot latte, or cleaning a mess someone's four children left? nahh, but thank you consumer america for making practically every job SUPER lame.

i'd rather stick pencils in my eyes than fill out another identical application for some chain store that won't hire me.

just a list

Drinking: vanilla sleepy time tea

Just finished: 5th season of the L word

Craving: homemade chocolate cake with raspberry in the middle

In love with: Norah Jones and her album The Fall and Rachael Yamagata

Excited for: the rest of the summer

Obsessed with: the beach, and everything that comes with it, especially how my skin is still warm and reminds me of the day i had.

Needing: a hair cut

Feeling: at ease for the first time in months

Quote:

Everything's falling, and I am included in that

I'm in the dance, and it's a chance,
But stay and watch awhile

night before

you know how when you were a kid and falling asleep on christmas eve or before a disney trip was the most difficult thing in the world. you would just lie in bed thinking about how incredible the next day was going to be. you would think about what you would do right when you woke up, what you were going to wear, what the morning sun would look like, or all the fun and exciting things you wanted to do the next day. you would picture santa sneaking in, or standing face-to-face with cinderella, and sleep was the last thing on your mind.

somehow this manages to still happen to me. whether it's anticipating the trip home from college, or going to the beach for the first time in 2 months i still get way too excited and end up staring at my ceiling for two hours. my legs get all restless, no position in my twin bed seems to make my body happy, and my arms never fail to get in the way.

i had a pretty busy day. i should be tired. and i know when my phone rings in a few hours with my wake up call i will not be a happy camper. i think i'm just on some high ever since the car's tires rolled off the turnpike, bringing me home from school. there hasn't been a dull moment yet, and the excitement that comes with each day is keeping me awake; and for now i'm really ok with that.

mom dancin' it up

while waiting for my mom to get home so i can use the car, yeah kill me i know i need a car, i've decided its time to make a mom dance mix. dancing to the b52's and ashley jammin to sweet child of mine as the fireworks lit up the sky last night at sunfest has inspired me. as did all the drunk 40 and 50 somethings that surrounded us.

hello summer!

After being awake for 16 hours, packing up my life back in Tallahassee, seeing Crystal for the first time since the end of first semester...finally!, driving 6 hours, pizza break with my grandparents, and then spending the last 4 hours unpacking and settling in my tiny room/closet/what's supposed to be a lounge for the master bedroom... i am exhausted.

Tomorrow I get to spend the day with my bestest friend at sunfest, it's kinda our tradition. looking at random art, eating crepes, listening to live music (ben harper, flogging molly, five for fighting, b52s!), making fun of all the retarded drunk girls. it's pretty obvious why we love it.

I cannot believe i'm already half way through my college years. i feel like i just started high school. however, looking back really points out how much has changed, how much i have changed, and that there is so much more to look forward to.

I can already tell this summer is going to be better than last year.