in and out.

I have constantly been looking for answers, for a reason to something I cannot fully understand. Anything that will give me some clarity in life, school, growing up, or relationships. I question things. It's just what I do. Or at least what I have done for as long as I can remember. When I was 2 years old I asked my mom how water came out of the faucet and received the response of "magic", naturally I believed this. I believed in magic, and for some reason even after 17 years, I still do.

About 2 months ago I gave up. I had put my heart into something, yet again, where it clearly did not belong. Things changed, and so did I. It was the last straw, where everything just crumbled a little bit. It wasn't because of that one thing but rather a few years worth, and I stopped. I slowed down, and let myself take some time to have just myself.

Taking that time, being just a tiny bit selfish for once, not looking for all the answers, and realizing that sometimes things just happen the way they do, has helped me see a lot.

I now know that a lot in my past is not worth fighting for or clinging to. That's who I was but definitely not what I want to continue to be. I took time to separate myself and see people for who they truly are, not just some emotion I had tied to their face.

Crazy as it seems, I was able to look at my life rationally. While some people had easily walked out, others had somehow come back around or never left.

It took a while, but I finally see what is worth my time and effort. I cut through the bullshit, stood up for myself, and I can honestly say I don't hold onto a lot of what I had clung to for years. I can finally breathe and it's clear who was worth the years in my past and hopefully the years to come.

People change, we grow up, we live through a new perspective, see new things, fall and recover. At the end of the day there's always someone there. Someone who helped you through it, or was there in the morning. Even someone who didn't have to be, who might be hours away, but was still there. Those are the people that are worth it to me. Who are worth holding onto and putting your heart into, who remind you of the "magic".